5 - 0 to Shakhtar Le Dix

Next up in the "5-0" series, is the newly Russian owned Shakhtar Le Dix.

Despite his hectic schedule of soup making on a global scale, 5-0 caught up with the new owner of Shakhtar Le Dix FC,

Russian billionaire Matviyko Volodimir to pose the questions we have all been dying to know the answers to since the season began.

He apologised for the delay in responding to the questions posed months ago, conceding that his current workload was too much, but that he was looking

to introduce an Applix based workflow system to the soup and football world in order to improve his daily post turnaround time

We joined him as he was elbow deep in a fresh batch of Borscht soup, here's what he had to say................

5-0

1. How do you think you'll fare this time out? Better than last season's coveted 4th position?

I try for make good my predictions for forthcoming season, but i not have crystal ball since break up with with ex wife Mystic Meg. Bitch fleece me for many rubles, but still i have enough rubles in pocket to buy out Le Dix, so i have last laugh hahahahaha, and I hoping we can have better season and penetrate top 3

2. Who would you class as your deadliest rival(s) in the competition?

Dale Winton obviously strike fear into any man, but i think even with new fraud prevention methods, Ben Goran Eliotsen (is that how you spell it Ben?

one L, one T?) may find sneaky way of staying in top three

3. Who would you most like to see win the Cuddihy Cup this term?

It disappoint me if Cuddihy not win Cuddihy Cup, but it not the end of world as you say. I see couple potential Cuddihy's in league this time but i don't wish to start war of words

4. What/who would you choose as a mascot/symbol to represent you in this season's competition?

Shakhtar Le Dix are like nice big bowl of Yushka Soup. A lot of different ingredients (fish guts and bull semen) mixed up, but pulling together as a team for make benefit of tasty soup or sexy team

5. You are summoned by the British Cheese Council to be beamed back to a Tuesday in 1983.

The event: On stage with Level 42 at the Ramsgate Shovel and Otter Fanciers Club at around about half-past-nine.

You have 26.37 seconds to explain your appearance.

What would you say?

Where am i? Who are you guys?

Ahhhhhhhhh i see .....

My wife make a nice Cheesey Borscht

and she love Level 42,

i think you beam the wrong Volodimir?

Look, there is woman in crowd. Can we follow her, get her and maybe have sexy time with her? I have my Otter in my trouser pocket