Wednesday, 26 August 2009

Headlines and Deadlines #2

Massive Own Goal By Lombardo
Unfortunately it is seen as our prime responsibility to report on colossal own goals, massive own box crossing, general ludicrosity (c2009 Blade) just like the situation Lombardo found himself in today.
Lombardo arrived at work in good time this morning.
Nothing unusual at about this so far...
However, Lombardo was on Annual Leave!
Yes, that is correct!
Dave Lombardo turned in for work on a day off!
That is either huge dedication, or massive Cuddihyism!
We all know that the latter applies here!!

JCVP Kicks Up a Storm
Early leader Ben Goran Elliottsen stalls as Jean Claude Van Pugh smashes his way to the top!
JCVP is a new competitor to Prem Predictor and comes with a fine pedigree of predicting Eurovision song contest winners.
His first triumph was when he defied sceptics and picked out "Making Your Mind Up" as a surefire winner.
He has seemingly transferred his knowledge of the fabulous Euro pop scene admirably to Prem Predictor, although - on a cautionary note - the recent documentary "Cuddihy - A Warning From History" revealed that fine Prem Predictor starts can often end in total disaster!
JCVP has set a very high standard however, and he is currently the competitor to beat.
Ben Goran Elliotsen drops to 2nd place.
This was hailed in many quarters, even causing spontaneous street parties throughout Azerbaijan and Mexico City.
Ben Goran declined to comment.

What the Blade?!
After last week admitting he was "absolutely gutted to be in the Cuddihy League" (aka the bottom 3), Blade has shot up the table quicker than a rat out of an aquaduct - with a mightily impressive weekend score of 32 Points and a bolt up to 3rd place.
Blade has put his recent success down to a combination of limiting his contact with badgers, reading cereal packets and listening to the world's only Russell Grant tribute act.
He also admitted that he wasn't at all gutted at losing out on points following Liverpools tragic loss at home to Villa - in fact he was ecstatic.
Time will tell whether Blade can keep up his strict regime of badgers, cereals and Russell Grant or whether he'll lapse into his previous bad habits of Pot Noodles, albatross polishing and synchronised kettle dancing.

The Battle for 4th
Last season's runner-up Jose is currently situated in the coveted 4th place, which was won by the newly renamed Shakhtar Le Dix FC last campaign.
Jose was one of the early season favourites for the title and finds himself handily placed.
However, with some outrageous Guitar Hero sessions lined up and a severe Dream Theater fixation; Prem Predictor fully expects Jose's challenge to fade out soon in a whimpering Andy- Sinton-flattened-harshly-by-Razor-Ruddock-like fashion.

Mid-Table Pile Up
Waiting to pounce on any top 4 slip-up is a motley bunch lead by newcomer Alistair Robinho in 5th position. Whether Alistair Robinho lives up to his namesakes' form of running hot and cold remains to be seen, but we can only up it runs more cold than hot!
Also in this mid-table party are Cuddihy (6th), Shakhtar Le Dix FC (7th), The Fallon(8th), The Shaw (9th), Chuck Norris (10th), last season's Champion Nagle(11th) and despite possessing an astonishing array of flash socks - last season's Serie Ben loser Paul Coleman(12th).
Chuck Norris remains confident that his form will improve as the season progresses.
Cuddihy meanwhile managed to walk face-first into his 17th closed door this week and has pledged to go on a Door Opening course when he has finished ironing his shirt for the 44th time.

Smythy and Disco Stu Show Early Season Cuddihy Promise
Stranded at the bottom of the table with a meagre 37 points each are Smythy and Disco Stu.
Disco Stu had hoped to be challenging for the title this season after a reasonable campaign last time out.
However his form has been nothing short of abysmal so far!
Prem Predictor cannot point out enough how gutted, appalled and furious Disco Stu was when he realised his current lowly league position!
But let's just say he had his head in his hands for the whole of Monday morning!
3rd from bottom is Socks Rock, who has confessed his ambition is to "win" the Cuddihy Cup!
His wish might happen at this rate, unless he pulls his socks up! BOOM BOOM
Slowe-bla-di Slowe-bla-da scored a fine 25 points to lift himself off the bottom and into the lower mid-table pack where the own goal scoring Dave Lombardo lurks, along with new entrants Paddy Power and Darius Connolly.

Don't forget to get the weekend's predictions in - don't be a Cuddihy!

The Current Table
Note - no change from the 23/08/09 update!

POS. NAME SCORE
1 Jean Claude Van Pugh 65
2 Ben Goran Elliottsen 61
3 Blade 50
4 Jose 50
5 Alistair Robinho 49
6 Dale Winton 49
7 Shakhtar Le Dix FC 49
8 The Fallon 47
9 The Shaw 47
10 Chuck Norris 46
11 Nagle (08/09 Champ) 46
12 Paul Coleman 46
13 Dave Lombardo 45
14 Paddy Power 43
15 Darius Connolly 40
16 Slowe-bla-di Slowe-bla-da 39
17 Socks Rock 38
18 Disco Stu 37
19 Smythy 37

Monday, 24 August 2009

5 - 0 To the Cuddihy

In the 2nd of our "5 - 0" series, we find Cuddihy in predictably ridiculous form.
Maybe one day he will find a clue and operate like a normal human being.
Until that day comes - which lets face it; it might never - we'll have to make do with the total utter Cuddihy of a Cuddihy:

1. You've made a decent start (vomit). How do you think you'll fare this time out?
I will win it...absolutely no problems whatsoever. I was born to win! We may as well close this site down now cos its not fair on the other competitors to think they have a chance.

2. Who would you class as your deadliest rival(s) in the competition?
Me

3. Who would you most like to see win the Cuddihy Cup this term?
Kay (Chuck Norris) because he is the REAL loser. And hopefully city will go down the bunch of "relegation infected tramps"

4. What/who would you choose as a mascot/symbol to represent you in this season's competition?
I dont need any symbols or mascots to represent me. I dont need a brand...I AM THE BRAND!
5. How far could you throw a kitten from a standing position with a fierce wind against you, if Brian Blessed and Leslie Ash were thrusting a collection of Estonian spoons up each nostril whilst singing extracts from "La Boheme"?
I would break the world record for kitten throwing...no doubt!

Disclaimer:
The views of Cuddihy above are the flatulent egocentric ramblings of a lesser vegetable and are not indicative of the views of Prem Predictor, which prides itself on being a fair thought-provoking editorial.
However, WHAT A CUDDIHY!!!

Sunday, 23 August 2009

5 - 0 to the Nagle

First in a new series to Prem Predictor!
Each week, Prem Predictor will ask the same 5 questions to each competitor.

First up it is the turn of current holder of the Prem Predictor Title, Nagle:


1. How do you think you'll fare this time out?
to be fare (ha), i cant see anything other than a 1st place finish, hats off to Alistair for a fine start to his PP career.

2. Who would you class as your deadliest rival(s) in the competition?
well as i am the current champion i have to be wary of other competitors improving because they will need to do that. Fallon and Jose are always in with a shout, as long as that cheating lying scumbag doesnt win im happy.

3. Who would you most like to see win the Cuddihy Cup this term?
cuddihy

4. What/who would you choose as a mascot/symbol to represent you in this season's competition?
it would have to be a a salmon because i like anything fishy and pink inside (LLL).

5. What price do you think Cuddihy would fetch at a Delhi cattle market?
Price?!

Table Update: Sunday 23/08/09

Here's the table following Saturday and Sunday's matches:

POS. NAME SCORE
1 Jean Claude Van Pugh 65
2 Ben Goran Elliottsen 61
3 Blade 50
4 Jose 50
5 Alistair Robinho 49
6 Dale Winton 49
7 Shakhtar Le Dix FC 49
8 The Fallon 47
9 The Shaw 47
10 Chuck Norris 46
11 Nagle (08/09 Champ) 46
12 Paul Coleman 46
13 Dave Lombardo 45
14 Paddy Power 43
15 Darius Connolly 40
16 Slowe-bla-di Slowe-bla-da 39
17 Socks Rock 38
18 Disco Stu 37
19 Smythy 37

Wednesday, 19 August 2009

Table 19/08/09

Here's the updated table following yesterday's and tonight's matches
Strangely, no-one predicted a Burnley win!


POS.

NAME

SCORE
1 Ben Goran Elliottsen 41
2 Jean Claude Van Pugh 36
3 The Fallon 32
4 Nagle (08/09 Champ) 31
5 Kim Wilde 29
6 Shakhtar Le Dix FC 29
7 Jose 28
8 Paul Coleman 28
9 The Shaw 27
10 Chuck Norris 26
11 Socks Rock 26
12 Dave Lombardo 25
13 Darius Connolly 23
14 Paddy Power 23
15 Disco Stu 22
16 Smythy 22
17 Alistair Robinho 20
18 Blade 18
19 Slowe-bla-di Slowe-bla-da 14

Welcome Slowey! Better late than never!


Tuesday, 18 August 2009

Headlines And Deadlines!

WELCOME ALL!!
It's a new season!! YAY!!

Welcome All New Comers!
Thanks to everyone for making this season a competive one!
Smythy has upped the level of intelligence needed to enter the competition, by not being able to type numbers onto a form!
Alistair Robinho could be a dark horse. Or a dark arse! You decide!!
Socks Rock has admitted he'd like to win the Cuddihy Cup, although he has some competition with so many hopeless cases this time out!!
My son has also decided to enter - he is called "Paddy Power" after seeing the advert starring Carlton Palmer! So I can only hope that I beat him - and I mean points wise, you deviants!!
Blade has admitted he has only entered to win the Cuddihy Cup (or that might have been to beat Cuddihy up - kidding!), whilst Connolly has a lot to prove after saying his football knowledge is second only to Keith Chegwin.

The Ben Goran Effect!

After the first weekend of results Ben Goran Elliotsen storms to the top of the table!
Although Ben Goran was accused of match fixing last season, whilst languishing at the top of Serie Ben, he is off to a solid start - only a £20 bribe ensuring a top of the table start this time!!
Only kidding! It was £30!!
Last season's "rear-ender", Cuddihy, has made a promising start and finds himself in 5th place.
The last time Cuddihy found himself in 5th place in anything, he had entered a Britney Spears Look-a-Like contest in Rhyl along with 16,827 competitors.
Meanwhile, I did quite well. Oh yes.

Jean Claude Opens Account With all Guns Blazing!

New entrant Jean Claude Van Pugh showed no prisoners by storming into 2nd place with a set of predictions that would make David Blaine proud.
The new Prem Predictor has entered the competition with a big profile thanks to some help from the lads of OMD and Erasure who are sponsoring his campaign.
Obviously his predictions have so far shown "a little respect".
DOH!
An impressive start, although like his namesake I'm sure he'll go AWOL at some time soon.
DOH again!

Coleman Claims 4th
Paul Coleman has staked an early season claim for a top spot, by taking the coveted 4th spot (as won by Le Dix last season).
However, last season the Coleman lost interest in PP and drifted to last place in the now defunct Serie Ben - so it will be up to Coleman to prove he can last the course. Great socks or not!
(For those wondering, there was a fantastic battle for 4th last season).

Nagle Watch
Last season's champ has managed a fairly pathetic attempt at retaining his title so far. Sure, it is early days - but I feel Nagle will see too much power around him to retain the trophy this time out.

Shaw's Battlecry
Prem Predictor recently approached The Shaw for comments on the season ahead.
When asked whether he had any thoughts to share with our fellow Prem Predictor brethren, he came out with the response:
"My only message to the fellow PPers is that the South London massive is going to storm the top of this league like Nora Batty on speed sweeping stairs.
That my friend is what you call a fantastical analogy."
Agreed. A fantastic analogy, but futile!

Threesome at the Bottom!! (OOOOOHHHH!! BABY!!)
Well done to Dave Lombardo, Blade and Smythy for amassing a great score of 27 between you!!
I can only hope it continues!!!
I'm sure you're enjoying the huddle at the bottom.
Still it is early days, and I am sure you can do worse than 9 points each over the coming weeks!
Excellent!!!
Just to reassure you, Cuddihy made a great start last season and still came bottom.
So hang in there!
There's nothing quite as embarrasing as being below Cuddihy - ask Peter Andre!!!

Stuliet Bravo
Despite his protestations, Stu has been bought out by a 1980/90's crime series.
Suits you sir!!!
Hence he is now known as Stuliet Bravo until otherwise informed.
The new owners are hoping to improve on a 4th from bottom finish.

Cuddihy of the Week
Everyone completed there scores, however there is still an award for Cuddihy of the Week.
It goes to ... ... ... ... Cuddihy!
Yes, Cuddihy wins the first Cuddihy of the Week of the season for moaning constantly and also filling in the scores for the games cancelled and telling me he knew he was doing so.
Also Cuddihy wore a particularly bad shirt last Thursday.
What a Cuddihy!!
On a personal note, I am glad to award Cuddihy with this as he truly deserves it. Despite his unsuccessful attempts at being a normal adult recently.

Prem Predictor Table 18/08/09


Here is the table after the weekend games:

Saturday, 15 August 2009

Pre Kick-Off Thoughts!

With all the scores on the board, just a few moments to catch up with some of the competitors:

Following a successful takeover bid from Ukrainian billionaire Matviyko Volodimir in the close season,
Le Dix have now been re-branded as:
Shakhtar Le Dix FC
The mega-rich Ukrainian, who made his fortune from the production and export of Borscht and Yushka (the nations favourite soups),
aims to crack the global market, and break into the top 3 this season.
Many thanks, and all the best for the season
Le Dix

-----------------------

Prem Predictor: "No Serie Ben this year, do you think you will cope with the big boys, John Shaw and Cuddihy?"
Ben Goran Elliotsen: "
Cope??? I will show the so called big boys how its done and I wont even have to cheat this time ha!"

---------------

Alistair Robinho: "I hope all my hard work at thinking of these scores will pay off"
Prem Predictor: "Probably not"

---------------

Smythy: "How does all this work again?"
Prem Predictor: "I knew I made this too simple for even Smythy!"


--------------------

John Shaw: "I'll accept nothing less than outright victory this season"
Prem Predictor: *Rolls around floor laughing


Thursday, 13 August 2009

Potential Cuddihy's of the Week

Nearly got everyone's scores in!

Those we are awaiting are:
Jose, Le Dix, Dave Lombardo, Paul Coleman, and Alistair Robinho!

Will there be a first week Cuddihy of the Week?!


Pre-Season Table


A preview of the table:


Saturday, 1 August 2009

New Season is Close!

This is the Blogsite of Prem Predictor 2009-2010!
Every English Premier League game, erm, predicted in a competition type thing!
Compete for the coveted Prem Predictor Trophy (current holder Nagle).
Compete for the not-so-coveted Cuddihy Cup (current holder Cuddihy)!

This site will be used to replace the weekly "Headlines And Deadlines" email and also include league tables updates etc.

More to come...

Email planetpie@hotmail.co.uk for more details.