Yes, it has been a while since the last edition of Headlines and Deadlines - possibly the least biased editorial since the first basket was woven in 1724 in Kettering at a tea party hosted by a collection of seafarers, bull hurdlers and carpet wearers - but fear not for it is BACK, BABY!!
SMYTHY HITS SPOOKY FORM
In the lowest scoring round of the season, Smythy defied his many critics by scoring a very creditable 19 points!
After many rubbed eyes, including those of Carol Vorderman and Anton Du Beke, Prem Predictor recounted the scoring but maintains that Smythy did in fact score an amazing 19.
Prime Minister's Question Time was overshadowed by this terrible event.
A full on emergency EU Catastrophic Event Taskforce was prevented when they looked at his league position and laughed a little.
A spokesperson from the Smythy camp has come forward to reassure the general public that this high scoring round was a pure fluke, a freak of nature.
The East Leicestershire Association of Useless Magic and Beagle Fanciers On A Tuesday have denied they claim any form of dark art was at play on the part of Smythy.
TOP OF THE TABLE ZANY MANIA!
Yes, since seemingly the dawn of time Ben Goran Elliottsen has been resplendent in pole position.
Before the dawn of time, Martin Daniels App Society had a brief spell with no-one above.
But this isn't before the dawn of time, or even since the dawn of time.
No! This is now - and now means the rise of the Jose!
Not sure I like the image that particular phrase conveys, but it's too late now!
Yes, for the first time this season Jose has been rewarded for some magnificent form and takes the top spot.
Jose attributes his form to the sonic attack of Reo Speedwagon at their finest and inspirational visits to Bar Rogue's in Coventry and Brighton.
It will now be a massive test for Ben Goran to see if he has what it takes to get back to the top of the tree.
Martin Daniels meanwhile has seen his position drop a bit like his father's TV shows.
Although unlike his father, he has managed to claw his way back into the Coveted 4th Position and could even complete a comeback?
Elsewhere in the upper reaches of the table, Blade has seen his scientific methods move into real championship potential.
As long as he can stay out of cardigans, jail or Lithuania he could have hit a winning formula.
The sort of winning formula not reserved for losers like Cuddihy.
Meanwhile, the crowd favourite and winner of the prestigious Sky Arts 2008 Best Model Boat Made From Wensleydale competition - Chuck Norris - has also had a recent dramatic upturn in form.
Whilst staying incredibly modest Chuck Norris has revealed to Prem Predictor how he sees himself mounting a well deserved assault on the top of the table this season. Plus he also commented "That sucker Cuddihy will eat napalm".
Which is nice as well as true.
Four real life cads and bounders make up the remainder of the top half of the table.
Last season's title battler Fallon, the current Prem Predictor Cup winner Nagle, holder of the Coveted 4th Shield Shakhtar Le Dix FC and last season's ultimate loser and holder of the Cuddihy Cup, Cuddihy - queen of many a low rent cocktail party.
CUDDIHY OF THE MONTH
Well there is only one real contender for Cuddihy Of The Month.
No, not a certain person who was fooled into thinking they were speaking to the CEO on the phone recently, eh, Cuddihy!!! Ha ha ha!!
This certain person had £1,300 burning a big hole in their pocket.
What to do with £1,300?
"Oh, I know, let's bet on a SURE thing. Wigan v Chelsea - away win. It's a cert."
But how much to bet? £20? £50? er, no, not £200?!
"No, let's bet £1,300!!!"
Step forward Shaw For Men!!
That's one fixture you wont forget in a hurry!
If it's any consolation, you also scored no points for that fixture too.
But I guess that isn't any consolation at all ... DOH!!
FAMILIAR FACES CRAP - I MEAN - SCRAP AT THE BOTTOM
Engleflump Humpitonk, with a name that is currently almost as synonymous with losing as Cuddihy, props up the bottom of the table. This has been the case since before the dawn of time. Or was it since the dawn of time ... *GUNSHOT*
Only some sort of clue forming in that cavernous head can save him from the disaster of claiming the lowest of the low trophies - the dreaded, odorous, Cuddihy Cup!
Although he has closed the gap on the others around him, thanks to some hilarious predictions elsewhere.
This is of course a lie, but just trying to make him feel better ... NOT!
The other two basement dwellers - who complete the bottom 3 - are none other than Socks Rock and Slowe-Bla-Di-Slowe-Bla-da whos collective predictions have resulted in Counselling Organisations being formed in Algiers and furious demonstrations on the streets of Basingstoke and Rimini.
One old lady dropped an entire cup of tea on the floor of her living room, in Vilnius, in disgust.
Mel Gibson has threatened to remake Mad Max III The Thunderdome, with himself playing Tina Turner's part if their form does not improve.
Only the other day a small squirrel was shot in the head in protest by Phil Collins.
A piece of paper was picked up, thrown away, kicked about, picked up, thrown away again, kicked around, kicked around some more, picked up, thrown away, kicked ab*GUNSHOT*
This edition of Headlines and Deadlines was sponsored by Callum Davenport's left nipple attached to a herring called Colin and The Mannheim Society of Bucket Portraying Irony Lacking Alto Sopranos.
Showing posts with label Headlines and Deadlines. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Headlines and Deadlines. Show all posts
Monday, 26 October 2009
Tuesday, 15 September 2009
Headlines and Deadlines #3
Stop your grinning and drop your linen - Headlines and Deadlines is back from a brief spell out on the sidelines.
Aka out in a field in the middle of nowhere.
A Name Change, Yet No Change
Despite the recent takeover of Jean Claude Van Pugh, which was confirmed by fax by the lovely Debbie McGee last week, the newly named Martin Daniels Appreciation Society continued their magic form by keeping the top spot for what feels like the 1,000th consecutive week!
Not even the threat of another series of The Paul Daniels Magic Show could deter the competitor formerly known as JCVP from the top.
The rest of the Prem Predictor League await with baited breath, hoping that Martin Daniels Appreciation Society's form disappears. Now that would be magic!
Top Of The Table Hots Up
Hot on Martin Daniels tail, which conjures up slightly disturbing images, are a hungry fanatical pack of recently released experiments from the secret Albanian lab of Dr Loon McDave.
Ben Goran Elliotsen continues to impress, holding on to 2nd place despite having no means to alter the scores in any way!
Begrudgingly, Jose had an impressive week.
Not happy with nailing the chorus from The Scorpions "Wind of Change" on karaoke at The Bluebell, impressing the judges at the 23rd Annual Toe Eating and Jazz Festival in Helsinki - where he picked up a Silver Sock Award, Jose went on to score a decent 26 points and shoot up to 3rd in the table.
The Prestigious 4th spot is currently occupied by a man so feared in Leichtenstein, the road to Vaduz was lined with elderberries and the bladders of poached kittens for several weeks in 1997, in an attempt to keep Blade from eating all their squirrels on a Wednesday.
Blade holds onto The Prestigious 4th position by virtue of the alphabet, as he is locked on 100 points with Dale Winton (aka Cuddihy).
This proves to be a fascinating battle of minds ... for at least both minutes.
Dale Winton's form comes as much of a surprise to Prem Predictor land, as of course Dale Winton proudly won the Cuddihy Cup last time out.
There is still time.
CUDDIHYS OF THE WEEK!!
It took weeks for this to happen, but it finally did!
Two competitors failed to send their scores in for the last round of matches, so hence win the dubious honour of Cuddihy Of The Week!
Paul Coleman - just being on holiday is not a good enough reason to escape this award!
Coleman recently taunted Chuck Norris with chants of "Mickey Quinn!" and that is reason enough to make Coleman a Cuddihy!! Grrr!!
Socks Rock - no excuses for Socks Rock who was not holidaying or basket weaving or anything!
Socks Rock recently admitted his desire to win the Cuddihy Cup and is showing the right sort of form to do so!
CUDDIHY OF THE MONTH!!
Yes, Dale Winton aka Cuddihy wins the first Cuddihy of the Month award!
There could be many reasons for this, but most notably because of this sorry, sorry tale:
Cuddihy was off to Didsbury to meet his chums for a post-work flirtini and bikini wax, when disaster struck!
He fell asleep on the bus and awoke in the wilds of Northenden!
2 hours it took Cuddihy to circumnavigate the streets of South Manchester on foot to rendezvous with his chums, just in time for last orders!
After ordering a triple flirtini with a creme de menthe chaser, Cuddihy asked himself a question:
"Why did I just not get the bus going back the other way?"!!!
WHAT A TOTAL UTTER CUDDIHY!!!!
How The Mighty Have Fallon
Despite being a potential challenger for the Prem Predictor title, last season's high flyers The Fallon and Nagle find themselves languishing in mid-table.
With a distinct lack of confidence in their game, it would appear that two of the favourites are to be cast aside as also rans.
This is most disappointing in Nagle's case, as he was confident he would walk it this time out.
Maybe last year's title was a fluke, or is he biding his time a bit like a long distance runner?
An exceedingly weird long distance runner that is admittedly.
Fallon meanwhile, has been distracted by his sudden interest in kettle polishing.
Despite the International Kettle Polishing Association not allowing any competitors from North Manchester into their pro tournaments - due to their fear that the likes of Fallon would joy ride the kettles and set fire to them in some back fields - Fallon has been seen spendin an awful amount of time investing in kettle polishing skills and paraphernalia.
Hey Fallon! Leave those kettles alone!
(c) Pink Floyd
Cuddihy's Prop Up The Bottom
Ooo-errr
This week's Cuddihy's of the Week occupy the bottom 2 positions in the table.
Socks Rock drops from relative mid-table safety to the bottom spot.
10 points further up is Paul Coleman, who must be pining for the dark old days of Serie Ben with his performance so far!
Completing the bottom 3, is Slowe-Bla-Di-Slowe-Bla-Da who's pitiful scoring makes for entertaining viewing!
However, despite being out of the bottom 3 for the first time ever, Smythy is only touching distance from finding himself back in the doo-doo.
Smythy finds himself in 16th position and 3 points from the Laugh Zone.
Sources inside the Smythy camp have claimed that they would take that position now.
Also on 77 points is Paddy Power.
Despite a promising start, he really needs to pull his socks up to avoid being pulled down into the dregs!
The "5-0" Series
Prem Predictor is currently awaiting answers from 2 Prem Predictor competitors.
Hopefully they will get their act together and answer the questions, as the series has come to a standstill.
This is unacceptable as one reader in Quebec has already gnawed off his own left arm in anticipation.
Drastic action may have to be taken.
Enforced Mick Hucknall visits may be implemented.
Repeated viewings of Ben Elton's "We Will Rock You" musical may be enforced.
Sing-a-long sessions with Cliff Richard might be brought in.
Prem Predictor has this power!
Get 'em done!!
This Headlines and Deadlines brought to you by Keith Chegwin's World of Pants and Ross Kemp's World Without Thrush Campaign.
Prem Predictor sponsors.
Aka out in a field in the middle of nowhere.
A Name Change, Yet No Change
Despite the recent takeover of Jean Claude Van Pugh, which was confirmed by fax by the lovely Debbie McGee last week, the newly named Martin Daniels Appreciation Society continued their magic form by keeping the top spot for what feels like the 1,000th consecutive week!
Not even the threat of another series of The Paul Daniels Magic Show could deter the competitor formerly known as JCVP from the top.
The rest of the Prem Predictor League await with baited breath, hoping that Martin Daniels Appreciation Society's form disappears. Now that would be magic!
Top Of The Table Hots Up
Hot on Martin Daniels tail, which conjures up slightly disturbing images, are a hungry fanatical pack of recently released experiments from the secret Albanian lab of Dr Loon McDave.
Ben Goran Elliotsen continues to impress, holding on to 2nd place despite having no means to alter the scores in any way!
Begrudgingly, Jose had an impressive week.
Not happy with nailing the chorus from The Scorpions "Wind of Change" on karaoke at The Bluebell, impressing the judges at the 23rd Annual Toe Eating and Jazz Festival in Helsinki - where he picked up a Silver Sock Award, Jose went on to score a decent 26 points and shoot up to 3rd in the table.
The Prestigious 4th spot is currently occupied by a man so feared in Leichtenstein, the road to Vaduz was lined with elderberries and the bladders of poached kittens for several weeks in 1997, in an attempt to keep Blade from eating all their squirrels on a Wednesday.
Blade holds onto The Prestigious 4th position by virtue of the alphabet, as he is locked on 100 points with Dale Winton (aka Cuddihy).
This proves to be a fascinating battle of minds ... for at least both minutes.
Dale Winton's form comes as much of a surprise to Prem Predictor land, as of course Dale Winton proudly won the Cuddihy Cup last time out.
There is still time.
CUDDIHYS OF THE WEEK!!
It took weeks for this to happen, but it finally did!
Two competitors failed to send their scores in for the last round of matches, so hence win the dubious honour of Cuddihy Of The Week!
Paul Coleman - just being on holiday is not a good enough reason to escape this award!
Coleman recently taunted Chuck Norris with chants of "Mickey Quinn!" and that is reason enough to make Coleman a Cuddihy!! Grrr!!
Socks Rock - no excuses for Socks Rock who was not holidaying or basket weaving or anything!
Socks Rock recently admitted his desire to win the Cuddihy Cup and is showing the right sort of form to do so!
CUDDIHY OF THE MONTH!!
Yes, Dale Winton aka Cuddihy wins the first Cuddihy of the Month award!
There could be many reasons for this, but most notably because of this sorry, sorry tale:
Cuddihy was off to Didsbury to meet his chums for a post-work flirtini and bikini wax, when disaster struck!
He fell asleep on the bus and awoke in the wilds of Northenden!
2 hours it took Cuddihy to circumnavigate the streets of South Manchester on foot to rendezvous with his chums, just in time for last orders!
After ordering a triple flirtini with a creme de menthe chaser, Cuddihy asked himself a question:
"Why did I just not get the bus going back the other way?"!!!
WHAT A TOTAL UTTER CUDDIHY!!!!
How The Mighty Have Fallon
Despite being a potential challenger for the Prem Predictor title, last season's high flyers The Fallon and Nagle find themselves languishing in mid-table.
With a distinct lack of confidence in their game, it would appear that two of the favourites are to be cast aside as also rans.
This is most disappointing in Nagle's case, as he was confident he would walk it this time out.
Maybe last year's title was a fluke, or is he biding his time a bit like a long distance runner?
An exceedingly weird long distance runner that is admittedly.
Fallon meanwhile, has been distracted by his sudden interest in kettle polishing.
Despite the International Kettle Polishing Association not allowing any competitors from North Manchester into their pro tournaments - due to their fear that the likes of Fallon would joy ride the kettles and set fire to them in some back fields - Fallon has been seen spendin an awful amount of time investing in kettle polishing skills and paraphernalia.
Hey Fallon! Leave those kettles alone!
(c) Pink Floyd
Cuddihy's Prop Up The Bottom
Ooo-errr
This week's Cuddihy's of the Week occupy the bottom 2 positions in the table.
Socks Rock drops from relative mid-table safety to the bottom spot.
10 points further up is Paul Coleman, who must be pining for the dark old days of Serie Ben with his performance so far!
Completing the bottom 3, is Slowe-Bla-Di-Slowe-Bla-Da who's pitiful scoring makes for entertaining viewing!
However, despite being out of the bottom 3 for the first time ever, Smythy is only touching distance from finding himself back in the doo-doo.
Smythy finds himself in 16th position and 3 points from the Laugh Zone.
Sources inside the Smythy camp have claimed that they would take that position now.
Also on 77 points is Paddy Power.
Despite a promising start, he really needs to pull his socks up to avoid being pulled down into the dregs!
The "5-0" Series
Prem Predictor is currently awaiting answers from 2 Prem Predictor competitors.
Hopefully they will get their act together and answer the questions, as the series has come to a standstill.
This is unacceptable as one reader in Quebec has already gnawed off his own left arm in anticipation.
Drastic action may have to be taken.
Enforced Mick Hucknall visits may be implemented.
Repeated viewings of Ben Elton's "We Will Rock You" musical may be enforced.
Sing-a-long sessions with Cliff Richard might be brought in.
Prem Predictor has this power!
Get 'em done!!
This Headlines and Deadlines brought to you by Keith Chegwin's World of Pants and Ross Kemp's World Without Thrush Campaign.
Prem Predictor sponsors.
Wednesday, 26 August 2009
Headlines and Deadlines #2
Massive Own Goal By Lombardo
Unfortunately it is seen as our prime responsibility to report on colossal own goals, massive own box crossing, general ludicrosity (c2009 Blade) just like the situation Lombardo found himself in today.
Lombardo arrived at work in good time this morning.
Nothing unusual at about this so far...
However, Lombardo was on Annual Leave!
Yes, that is correct!
Dave Lombardo turned in for work on a day off!
That is either huge dedication, or massive Cuddihyism!
We all know that the latter applies here!!
JCVP Kicks Up a Storm
Early leader Ben Goran Elliottsen stalls as Jean Claude Van Pugh smashes his way to the top!
JCVP is a new competitor to Prem Predictor and comes with a fine pedigree of predicting Eurovision song contest winners.
His first triumph was when he defied sceptics and picked out "Making Your Mind Up" as a surefire winner.
He has seemingly transferred his knowledge of the fabulous Euro pop scene admirably to Prem Predictor, although - on a cautionary note - the recent documentary "Cuddihy - A Warning From History" revealed that fine Prem Predictor starts can often end in total disaster!
JCVP has set a very high standard however, and he is currently the competitor to beat.
Ben Goran Elliotsen drops to 2nd place.
This was hailed in many quarters, even causing spontaneous street parties throughout Azerbaijan and Mexico City.
Ben Goran declined to comment.
What the Blade?!
After last week admitting he was "absolutely gutted to be in the Cuddihy League" (aka the bottom 3), Blade has shot up the table quicker than a rat out of an aquaduct - with a mightily impressive weekend score of 32 Points and a bolt up to 3rd place.
Blade has put his recent success down to a combination of limiting his contact with badgers, reading cereal packets and listening to the world's only Russell Grant tribute act.
He also admitted that he wasn't at all gutted at losing out on points following Liverpools tragic loss at home to Villa - in fact he was ecstatic.
Time will tell whether Blade can keep up his strict regime of badgers, cereals and Russell Grant or whether he'll lapse into his previous bad habits of Pot Noodles, albatross polishing and synchronised kettle dancing.
The Battle for 4th
Last season's runner-up Jose is currently situated in the coveted 4th place, which was won by the newly renamed Shakhtar Le Dix FC last campaign.
Jose was one of the early season favourites for the title and finds himself handily placed.
However, with some outrageous Guitar Hero sessions lined up and a severe Dream Theater fixation; Prem Predictor fully expects Jose's challenge to fade out soon in a whimpering Andy- Sinton-flattened-harshly-by-Razor-Ruddock-like fashion.
Mid-Table Pile Up
Waiting to pounce on any top 4 slip-up is a motley bunch lead by newcomer Alistair Robinho in 5th position. Whether Alistair Robinho lives up to his namesakes' form of running hot and cold remains to be seen, but we can only up it runs more cold than hot!
Also in this mid-table party are Cuddihy (6th), Shakhtar Le Dix FC (7th), The Fallon(8th), The Shaw (9th), Chuck Norris (10th), last season's Champion Nagle(11th) and despite possessing an astonishing array of flash socks - last season's Serie Ben loser Paul Coleman(12th).
Chuck Norris remains confident that his form will improve as the season progresses.
Cuddihy meanwhile managed to walk face-first into his 17th closed door this week and has pledged to go on a Door Opening course when he has finished ironing his shirt for the 44th time.
Smythy and Disco Stu Show Early Season Cuddihy Promise
Stranded at the bottom of the table with a meagre 37 points each are Smythy and Disco Stu.
Disco Stu had hoped to be challenging for the title this season after a reasonable campaign last time out.
However his form has been nothing short of abysmal so far!
Prem Predictor cannot point out enough how gutted, appalled and furious Disco Stu was when he realised his current lowly league position!
But let's just say he had his head in his hands for the whole of Monday morning!
3rd from bottom is Socks Rock, who has confessed his ambition is to "win" the Cuddihy Cup!
His wish might happen at this rate, unless he pulls his socks up! BOOM BOOM
Slowe-bla-di Slowe-bla-da scored a fine 25 points to lift himself off the bottom and into the lower mid-table pack where the own goal scoring Dave Lombardo lurks, along with new entrants Paddy Power and Darius Connolly.
Don't forget to get the weekend's predictions in - don't be a Cuddihy!
The Current Table
Note - no change from the 23/08/09 update!
Unfortunately it is seen as our prime responsibility to report on colossal own goals, massive own box crossing, general ludicrosity (c2009 Blade) just like the situation Lombardo found himself in today.
Lombardo arrived at work in good time this morning.
Nothing unusual at about this so far...
However, Lombardo was on Annual Leave!
Yes, that is correct!
Dave Lombardo turned in for work on a day off!
That is either huge dedication, or massive Cuddihyism!
We all know that the latter applies here!!
JCVP Kicks Up a Storm
Early leader Ben Goran Elliottsen stalls as Jean Claude Van Pugh smashes his way to the top!
JCVP is a new competitor to Prem Predictor and comes with a fine pedigree of predicting Eurovision song contest winners.
His first triumph was when he defied sceptics and picked out "Making Your Mind Up" as a surefire winner.
He has seemingly transferred his knowledge of the fabulous Euro pop scene admirably to Prem Predictor, although - on a cautionary note - the recent documentary "Cuddihy - A Warning From History" revealed that fine Prem Predictor starts can often end in total disaster!
JCVP has set a very high standard however, and he is currently the competitor to beat.
Ben Goran Elliotsen drops to 2nd place.
This was hailed in many quarters, even causing spontaneous street parties throughout Azerbaijan and Mexico City.
Ben Goran declined to comment.
What the Blade?!
After last week admitting he was "absolutely gutted to be in the Cuddihy League" (aka the bottom 3), Blade has shot up the table quicker than a rat out of an aquaduct - with a mightily impressive weekend score of 32 Points and a bolt up to 3rd place.
Blade has put his recent success down to a combination of limiting his contact with badgers, reading cereal packets and listening to the world's only Russell Grant tribute act.
He also admitted that he wasn't at all gutted at losing out on points following Liverpools tragic loss at home to Villa - in fact he was ecstatic.
Time will tell whether Blade can keep up his strict regime of badgers, cereals and Russell Grant or whether he'll lapse into his previous bad habits of Pot Noodles, albatross polishing and synchronised kettle dancing.
The Battle for 4th
Last season's runner-up Jose is currently situated in the coveted 4th place, which was won by the newly renamed Shakhtar Le Dix FC last campaign.
Jose was one of the early season favourites for the title and finds himself handily placed.
However, with some outrageous Guitar Hero sessions lined up and a severe Dream Theater fixation; Prem Predictor fully expects Jose's challenge to fade out soon in a whimpering Andy- Sinton-flattened-harshly-by-Razor-Ruddock-like fashion.
Mid-Table Pile Up
Waiting to pounce on any top 4 slip-up is a motley bunch lead by newcomer Alistair Robinho in 5th position. Whether Alistair Robinho lives up to his namesakes' form of running hot and cold remains to be seen, but we can only up it runs more cold than hot!
Also in this mid-table party are Cuddihy (6th), Shakhtar Le Dix FC (7th), The Fallon(8th), The Shaw (9th), Chuck Norris (10th), last season's Champion Nagle(11th) and despite possessing an astonishing array of flash socks - last season's Serie Ben loser Paul Coleman(12th).
Chuck Norris remains confident that his form will improve as the season progresses.
Cuddihy meanwhile managed to walk face-first into his 17th closed door this week and has pledged to go on a Door Opening course when he has finished ironing his shirt for the 44th time.
Smythy and Disco Stu Show Early Season Cuddihy Promise
Stranded at the bottom of the table with a meagre 37 points each are Smythy and Disco Stu.
Disco Stu had hoped to be challenging for the title this season after a reasonable campaign last time out.
However his form has been nothing short of abysmal so far!
Prem Predictor cannot point out enough how gutted, appalled and furious Disco Stu was when he realised his current lowly league position!
But let's just say he had his head in his hands for the whole of Monday morning!
3rd from bottom is Socks Rock, who has confessed his ambition is to "win" the Cuddihy Cup!
His wish might happen at this rate, unless he pulls his socks up! BOOM BOOM
Slowe-bla-di Slowe-bla-da scored a fine 25 points to lift himself off the bottom and into the lower mid-table pack where the own goal scoring Dave Lombardo lurks, along with new entrants Paddy Power and Darius Connolly.
Don't forget to get the weekend's predictions in - don't be a Cuddihy!
The Current Table
Note - no change from the 23/08/09 update!
| POS. | NAME | SCORE |
| 1 | Jean Claude Van Pugh | 65 |
| 2 | Ben Goran Elliottsen | 61 |
| 3 | Blade | 50 |
| 4 | Jose | 50 |
| 5 | Alistair Robinho | 49 |
| 6 | Dale Winton | 49 |
| 7 | Shakhtar Le Dix FC | 49 |
| 8 | The Fallon | 47 |
| 9 | The Shaw | 47 |
| 10 | Chuck Norris | 46 |
| 11 | Nagle (08/09 Champ) | 46 |
| 12 | Paul Coleman | 46 |
| 13 | Dave Lombardo | 45 |
| 14 | Paddy Power | 43 |
| 15 | Darius Connolly | 40 |
| 16 | Slowe-bla-di Slowe-bla-da | 39 |
| 17 | Socks Rock | 38 |
| 18 | Disco Stu | 37 |
| 19 | Smythy | 37 |
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
Headlines And Deadlines!
WELCOME ALL!!
It's a new season!! YAY!!
Welcome All New Comers!
Thanks to everyone for making this season a competive one!
Smythy has upped the level of intelligence needed to enter the competition, by not being able to type numbers onto a form!
Alistair Robinho could be a dark horse. Or a dark arse! You decide!!
Socks Rock has admitted he'd like to win the Cuddihy Cup, although he has some competition with so many hopeless cases this time out!!
My son has also decided to enter - he is called "Paddy Power" after seeing the advert starring Carlton Palmer! So I can only hope that I beat him - and I mean points wise, you deviants!!
Blade has admitted he has only entered to win the Cuddihy Cup (or that might have been to beat Cuddihy up - kidding!), whilst Connolly has a lot to prove after saying his football knowledge is second only to Keith Chegwin.
The Ben Goran Effect!
After the first weekend of results Ben Goran Elliotsen storms to the top of the table!
Although Ben Goran was accused of match fixing last season, whilst languishing at the top of Serie Ben, he is off to a solid start - only a £20 bribe ensuring a top of the table start this time!!
Only kidding! It was £30!!
Last season's "rear-ender", Cuddihy, has made a promising start and finds himself in 5th place.
The last time Cuddihy found himself in 5th place in anything, he had entered a Britney Spears Look-a-Like contest in Rhyl along with 16,827 competitors.
Meanwhile, I did quite well. Oh yes.
Jean Claude Opens Account With all Guns Blazing!
New entrant Jean Claude Van Pugh showed no prisoners by storming into 2nd place with a set of predictions that would make David Blaine proud.
The new Prem Predictor has entered the competition with a big profile thanks to some help from the lads of OMD and Erasure who are sponsoring his campaign.
Obviously his predictions have so far shown "a little respect".
DOH!
An impressive start, although like his namesake I'm sure he'll go AWOL at some time soon.
DOH again!
Coleman Claims 4th
Paul Coleman has staked an early season claim for a top spot, by taking the coveted 4th spot (as won by Le Dix last season).
However, last season the Coleman lost interest in PP and drifted to last place in the now defunct Serie Ben - so it will be up to Coleman to prove he can last the course. Great socks or not!
(For those wondering, there was a fantastic battle for 4th last season).
Nagle Watch
Last season's champ has managed a fairly pathetic attempt at retaining his title so far. Sure, it is early days - but I feel Nagle will see too much power around him to retain the trophy this time out.
Shaw's Battlecry
Prem Predictor recently approached The Shaw for comments on the season ahead.
When asked whether he had any thoughts to share with our fellow Prem Predictor brethren, he came out with the response:
"My only message to the fellow PPers is that the South London massive is going to storm the top of this league like Nora Batty on speed sweeping stairs.
That my friend is what you call a fantastical analogy."
Agreed. A fantastic analogy, but futile!
Threesome at the Bottom!! (OOOOOHHHH!! BABY!!)
Well done to Dave Lombardo, Blade and Smythy for amassing a great score of 27 between you!!
I can only hope it continues!!!
I'm sure you're enjoying the huddle at the bottom.
Still it is early days, and I am sure you can do worse than 9 points each over the coming weeks!
Excellent!!!
Just to reassure you, Cuddihy made a great start last season and still came bottom.
So hang in there!
There's nothing quite as embarrasing as being below Cuddihy - ask Peter Andre!!!
Stuliet Bravo
Despite his protestations, Stu has been bought out by a 1980/90's crime series.
Suits you sir!!!
Hence he is now known as Stuliet Bravo until otherwise informed.
The new owners are hoping to improve on a 4th from bottom finish.
Cuddihy of the Week
Everyone completed there scores, however there is still an award for Cuddihy of the Week.
It goes to ... ... ... ... Cuddihy!
Yes, Cuddihy wins the first Cuddihy of the Week of the season for moaning constantly and also filling in the scores for the games cancelled and telling me he knew he was doing so.
Also Cuddihy wore a particularly bad shirt last Thursday.
What a Cuddihy!!
On a personal note, I am glad to award Cuddihy with this as he truly deserves it. Despite his unsuccessful attempts at being a normal adult recently.
It's a new season!! YAY!!
Welcome All New Comers!
Thanks to everyone for making this season a competive one!
Smythy has upped the level of intelligence needed to enter the competition, by not being able to type numbers onto a form!
Alistair Robinho could be a dark horse. Or a dark arse! You decide!!
Socks Rock has admitted he'd like to win the Cuddihy Cup, although he has some competition with so many hopeless cases this time out!!
My son has also decided to enter - he is called "Paddy Power" after seeing the advert starring Carlton Palmer! So I can only hope that I beat him - and I mean points wise, you deviants!!
Blade has admitted he has only entered to win the Cuddihy Cup (or that might have been to beat Cuddihy up - kidding!), whilst Connolly has a lot to prove after saying his football knowledge is second only to Keith Chegwin.
The Ben Goran Effect!
After the first weekend of results Ben Goran Elliotsen storms to the top of the table!
Although Ben Goran was accused of match fixing last season, whilst languishing at the top of Serie Ben, he is off to a solid start - only a £20 bribe ensuring a top of the table start this time!!
Only kidding! It was £30!!
Last season's "rear-ender", Cuddihy, has made a promising start and finds himself in 5th place.
The last time Cuddihy found himself in 5th place in anything, he had entered a Britney Spears Look-a-Like contest in Rhyl along with 16,827 competitors.
Meanwhile, I did quite well. Oh yes.
Jean Claude Opens Account With all Guns Blazing!
New entrant Jean Claude Van Pugh showed no prisoners by storming into 2nd place with a set of predictions that would make David Blaine proud.
The new Prem Predictor has entered the competition with a big profile thanks to some help from the lads of OMD and Erasure who are sponsoring his campaign.
Obviously his predictions have so far shown "a little respect".
DOH!
An impressive start, although like his namesake I'm sure he'll go AWOL at some time soon.
DOH again!
Coleman Claims 4th
Paul Coleman has staked an early season claim for a top spot, by taking the coveted 4th spot (as won by Le Dix last season).
However, last season the Coleman lost interest in PP and drifted to last place in the now defunct Serie Ben - so it will be up to Coleman to prove he can last the course. Great socks or not!
(For those wondering, there was a fantastic battle for 4th last season).
Nagle Watch
Last season's champ has managed a fairly pathetic attempt at retaining his title so far. Sure, it is early days - but I feel Nagle will see too much power around him to retain the trophy this time out.
Shaw's Battlecry
Prem Predictor recently approached The Shaw for comments on the season ahead.
When asked whether he had any thoughts to share with our fellow Prem Predictor brethren, he came out with the response:
"My only message to the fellow PPers is that the South London massive is going to storm the top of this league like Nora Batty on speed sweeping stairs.
That my friend is what you call a fantastical analogy."
Agreed. A fantastic analogy, but futile!
Threesome at the Bottom!! (OOOOOHHHH!! BABY!!)
Well done to Dave Lombardo, Blade and Smythy for amassing a great score of 27 between you!!
I can only hope it continues!!!
I'm sure you're enjoying the huddle at the bottom.
Still it is early days, and I am sure you can do worse than 9 points each over the coming weeks!
Excellent!!!
Just to reassure you, Cuddihy made a great start last season and still came bottom.
So hang in there!
There's nothing quite as embarrasing as being below Cuddihy - ask Peter Andre!!!
Stuliet Bravo
Despite his protestations, Stu has been bought out by a 1980/90's crime series.
Suits you sir!!!
Hence he is now known as Stuliet Bravo until otherwise informed.
The new owners are hoping to improve on a 4th from bottom finish.
Cuddihy of the Week
Everyone completed there scores, however there is still an award for Cuddihy of the Week.
It goes to ... ... ... ... Cuddihy!
Yes, Cuddihy wins the first Cuddihy of the Week of the season for moaning constantly and also filling in the scores for the games cancelled and telling me he knew he was doing so.
Also Cuddihy wore a particularly bad shirt last Thursday.
What a Cuddihy!!
On a personal note, I am glad to award Cuddihy with this as he truly deserves it. Despite his unsuccessful attempts at being a normal adult recently.
Saturday, 15 August 2009
Pre Kick-Off Thoughts!
With all the scores on the board, just a few moments to catch up with some of the competitors:
Following a successful takeover bid from Ukrainian billionaire Matviyko Volodimir in the close season,
Le Dix have now been re-branded as:
Shakhtar Le Dix FC
The mega-rich Ukrainian, who made his fortune from the production and export of Borscht and Yushka (the nations favourite soups),
aims to crack the global market, and break into the top 3 this season.
Many thanks, and all the best for the season
Le Dix
-----------------------
Prem Predictor: "No Serie Ben this year, do you think you will cope with the big boys, John Shaw and Cuddihy?"
Ben Goran Elliotsen: "Cope??? I will show the so called big boys how its done and I wont even have to cheat this time ha!"
---------------
Alistair Robinho: "I hope all my hard work at thinking of these scores will pay off"
Prem Predictor: "Probably not"
---------------
Smythy: "How does all this work again?"
Prem Predictor: "I knew I made this too simple for even Smythy!"
--------------------
John Shaw: "I'll accept nothing less than outright victory this season"
Prem Predictor: *Rolls around floor laughing
-----------------------
Prem Predictor: "No Serie Ben this year, do you think you will cope with the big boys, John Shaw and Cuddihy?"
Ben Goran Elliotsen: "Cope??? I will show the so called big boys how its done and I wont even have to cheat this time ha!"
---------------
Alistair Robinho: "I hope all my hard work at thinking of these scores will pay off"
Prem Predictor: "Probably not"
---------------
Smythy: "How does all this work again?"
Prem Predictor: "I knew I made this too simple for even Smythy!"
--------------------
John Shaw: "I'll accept nothing less than outright victory this season"
Prem Predictor: *Rolls around floor laughing
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